Suicide Note 2!

I didn’t see him coming towards me till he got closer and we locked eyes. He was good looking and something about his courage turned me on. He took my hand and I didn’t hesitate, we danced the whole night. When he asked to see me again, honestly I was surprised, I didn’t like him like that but I didn’t want to be rude “same place, same time,” I said frowning. The following morning I got a surprise guest, my father visited me in school, he tried to smile around people but his facial expression sold him out. “Follow me,” he whispered, grabbing my hand so tight he left some prints when he finally let go. He locked the doors of his car and the lecture began. “You’ve attended class 3 times for the whole of this year, all you do is ask for more money to the party, so here is an ultimatum, I will stop paying your fees till I see some changes”, he yelled. I didn’t respond I opened the door and left.

Noel told me about moving out of his brother’s place and since I wasn’t going to school any more, I spent most of my weekends at his place. I brought up the predicament I was in and surprisingly he offered to help. Don’t get me wrong, I was okay with not going back to school but I missed my friends and the party life. So, when he accepted to pay my fees I had no choice but to play along and act as if I liked him. He was a good person and he never said no to me. One thing that turned me off is that he was illiterate, there was no way I could settle with an uneducated man.  When I went back to school I tried to avoid him till reality hits that I don’t have financial support from my parents. The visits went from weekly to monthly; I had to keep in touch with him so I could get the fees and pocket money. He never complained and he made it so easy for me.

At some point, I promised him that we will get married after school because he was becoming more sceptical about our relationship. I had to at least promise him something to keep his hopes high and I did. He was very happy; he even increased my monthly allowance. A year later, I cleared school and I moved in with my friend.

At one of my weekend parties I bumped into Allan, handsome, rich, and intelligent and 15 years older than me, the perfect guy for me, I thought. I stopped going to Noel’s place or communicate with him, I wanted him to read between the lines and move on. Sadly, he didn’t. Within 2 months, Allan asked me to marry him, the right way, dowry and everything, something Noel couldn’t afford. Without thinking twice, I said yes.

Everything was perfect, my parents forgave me and we started the wedding arrangements. When the invitation cards came out, I thought it was only fair to invite Noel as a way of letting him know that we are completely over and I’m happy with Allan. Also, a way of telling him to stop bothering me and stop looking for me, I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t expect to get such a response from him on my wedding day. It never occurred to me that he will take it so hard. I blame myself for some things, yes, but my intentions were pure and I just wanted to do the right thing.

I wish I could have done some things differently. I didn’t mean to hurt him or “take his life” as he explained in his letter or a suicide note like the police called it.

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